i really want to make a wordpress blog. it’d be more of a professional one, with articles and an ongoing audience-blog full of opinions, articles from newspapers/classes posted, etc. etc.
Idk, just part of a resume and also a writing challenge. ..
but anyways, i’m sort of talking to this boy. i’m not gonna say his name cause it might not even work out, it’s too early to make any serious inquiries other than exploring the opportunity.
my family came to see me this past weekend at college, and we spent the weekend in White Plains. They brought my golden retriever pup, Benny, along! :D he’s so dear to me and I love him with my whole heart!
It was SO nice to see Jill after such an extension of time where we could hardly talk to each other cause she was overseas, adventuring. I feel like we’re getting closer and it’s so incredible how our relationship has progressed because formerly, we really were poisonous to each other. We hated each other. And now? That makes no sense. Things are different.
So here is where I’m going to try and be very open about my Inner Conflicts: (Struggles, doubts, questions, fears)
- It’s so hard pursuing my degree with Mono. And it’s recurring, which means I’ve had it for five months and counting… It just has so many symptoms that are directly linked to depression symptoms. And as someone with a heavy history of depression, these symptoms I feel from being ill are blended with me thinking i’m depressed, therefore becoming depressed feeling. And it’s been five months…..
But I got back on a mood stabilizer basically called Zoloft. It’s actually very affective and my well-being has increased substantially. But i’m still super sad and heavy…. sometimes even suicidal. But I know that healing is slow, and ultimately I will be where I am meant to, in the best way.
I haven’t been giving my full effort lately. I sort of have been smoking a ton of weed and it’s just like I still get my shit done and I’m not doing poorly but I’m not seeing the results I need. I need to stay internally energetic even if my body is feeling otherwise.
They’re intertwined but separate. Sometimes physical is stronger than internal, and vice versa.
So yeah… idk, my social anxiety is still strong and my anxiety is super strong also…. it’s really this that’s the main root of it all yet I don’t talk about it much. I guess it’s so feeling-based that it’s not even possible to truly get it out in words. I just know that I get irrationally anxious, and don’t need to.
That also has gotten much better in the past few years but still, progress is slow yet prevailing i guess so i just need to
breathe deeply and be p a ti e nt