Dear Tumblrs,

       Summer 2012 has just begun, and I swear on my first born it is going to be a productive one. A progressive one. A monumental one.

I am done with this self-pitying, depressive bullshit. YES, I don’t bring it upon myself. But I allow it to consume me, I let myself become unhinged to the pain, the surmounting pressure, the disbelief of it all.

     I just visited Darcy’s engraved brick at a park near Hudson recently with my sister. Somehow, everything turned catastrophic and I ruined the trip for her. I did. I didn’t even mean to do it, but I did. I feel like I am naturally a rotten pile of shit. How could I have done this to her? I wanted to find resolution, to grieve together, to just sit and accept. Instead, chaos, commotion, and a break-off. I’m not sure how to fix this, but I am equally hurt. I just wish I could have been there how she needed me to, I’d go back and do things differently If I could.. But i cannot, so I can only move forth. 

Decided I would put together a fundraiser for SPEA in honor of her this summer. I realized the three fundraisers i hosted over the past year really got me engaged and active and sharpened my mind, and fickleness and spaceyness are two of my biggest mind issues.

I just broke up with Greg. He’s a rapper as well as a dealer. Do you know what kind of bullshit they put you through? Holy hell. But I really like him. And I know he likes me.

But I need to make sure I am leading the healthiest life possible, and the constant flux of being together and being pushed away were harming me internally as well as externally- i had a cutting relapse and picked my face so i look like a complete coke head. i slept for two days so todays the first day of me up and functioning.

i do not want to go back into a rut of helpless depression.

i want to start making strides for myself.

and for other people.

i hope that all of this suffering, which in turn has brought much wisdom at a young age, can be preserved and utilized to help others in ways i couldnt help myself when i was naive of what i needed to do. my success could lead to helping other’s find their own. because that’s my passion.

HELPING people.

lately people hate me. jamestown as a whole kind of hates me. i was called crazy by two people today, mind you my ex boyfriend and old best friend. isn’t that LOVELY? one of the greatest insults I could receive, but I am not letting it get me down. I am not crazy. 

I am simply Katherine May Coleman, and those fuckers better get out tha way because i’ve been put through enough shit and will take no more lol. i have this feirce agitation in me and believe i am quickly becoming a Boss Bitch

exploring :)